Fuck you, Apple

I have absolutely no hope that any Apple representative will actually see this, so consider it venting.

iTunes is a piece of shit. I’d rather use software developed by the proverbial infinite monkeys with an infinite number of IDEs.

All of Apple’s mechanisms of managing devices are fucking horrible.

The only reason people think the iPhone and other iGarbage is easy to use is because all of the options are equally shitty. If you’re marginally familiar with one (such as iShit), the others are clearly incomprehensible. If you’re familiar with Android, then iSmegma is horrifying.

I got this new computer, fumbled around in Apple’s poorly designed website to find their iTunes installer because (pathetically) there is no other way to manage an iPhone. Installed, and then spent untold hours trying to get it to actually recognize my phone and sync with it.

I don’t want it to create giant backups of my phone every time I want to sync music, but I don’t have a way to tell it not to do that. The best I can do is sync wirelessly. But that requires iTunes to magically recognize when my phone is on the same network. Which it rarely does. And if the “manage your expensive-ass shitphone” button doesn’t show up magically in the GUI, you’re SOL. You can’t tell it “Hey, my phone’s right here, motherfucker, why don’t you look for it?” You can drink and cry and despondently restart shit and hope vainly that something will change.

But it won’t.

Because Apple sucks.

Every time I have to use iTunes, I want to throw my iPhone in the trash. I want to mail photocopies of my middle fingers to Apple headquarters. I want all of the iTunes’ development team members’ moms to call them and tell them they should be ashamed of themselves.

Beyond that, of course, is Apple’s (and other tech companies’ [yeah I’m fucking looking at you, Adobe]) love of discussion boards instead of support systems. Sure, they’re cheap. But when I’m already frustrated with my phone and local management options, do I really need JeveStobs6969 to tell me to restart my computer without actually reading my question? Or link me to some Russian website that will automatically fix it for me? Or a forty-seven step process that may or may not have worked for someone one time with a different problem in a different situation that isn’t even valid for my version of iTunes? And even if it did, it amounts to superstition because they don’t have a fucking clue what it means to disable UDP on your local network or how that might affect iTunes or iPhone — it’s just something that they did while flailing around with their own problems?

And god forbid you want to let Apple know there’s a problem that they should fix. Our ol’ buddy JeveStobs6969 will still tell you to restart your computer. You might as well scream into the void. You have a better chance of teaching your intestinal system to produce smartphones instead of feces (although you’d probably get better results that way).

Fuck you, Apple.

Oh hey! Check it out! In the time it took me to write this (coinciding with attempts seven through thirteen), I was able to get my new album on my phone! Not wirelessly, of course. I had to use a cable and back up my phone twice to do it.

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Posted by snaotheus

1 comment

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wordsmith

You know I stand absolutely 100% utterly foursquare solid with you on this issue, right? Because Windows, Android, and half the Earth’s software is in exactly the same state. I absolutely LOATHE the “you can get help with our amazing community” support, because it’s crap. You can’t. Who has or wants to take hours to try to find a solution to something that would take 10 seconds if you could just talk to a freaking human tech support who’d actually listen to you? Ah, but good support is not the issue. Getting you to buy their crap is the only thing they care about, and since you’re pretty well locked into their system once you have one device (I’m talking about you, Apple, and Adobe, you assholes, and Microsoft, and…), they know you have to keep buying their crap even when it doesn’t work and you KNOW it’s not going to work. This is an area where market competition has utterly, completely failed.

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