Milestones and ambivalence

Last time Grandma got sick, they sent her to ER and she spent a couple of days in the hospital. This was expressly against the orders in her POLST, which calls for no IVs, no intervention, comfort measures only.

Today, I was at her doc’s with her. We asked Erin about having Grandma sent to hospice rather than the hospital the next time she gets sick or hurts herself (barring a fracture, which is a different kettle of fish). Erin amended the POLST to add that, but once again, it depends on the nurse on duty when it happens. If she doesn’t want to contend with Grandma for the day or two a hospice referral would take, she doesn’t have to.

So this means that the next time Grandma gets sick could be her last. If they send her to hospice, she’ll be given pain meds and made as comfortable as possible, but if she doesn’t get well on her own, she. . . doesn’t. That’s what Grandma wants, but it makes me feel a bit ambivalent and apprehensive. Knowing this is what she wants is different from keeping my hands off and letting it happen, and as little as Grandma now resembles the mother I remember, I still love her to pieces and don’t want lose her.

Nobody’s ever ready to be an orphink.

Posted by wordsmith


You’re a sweetie. 🙂

Youll never be an orphink mother, you have us! Your our mother. It will be sad when we do lose grandma though.

Thanks. I know it’s the right thing to do, but it still feels weird. I have to keep reminding myself it’s about her, not me.

It’s a rough choice, but I’m glad you’re going along with it. It doesn’t make it any easier of course, but it does go with the whole dignity thing that people tend to forget about.

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