Cranberry hooch, etc.

Snaotheus conned me into purchasing a half-gallon of cranberry juice at the same time he conned me into buying half-a-beer-store’s worth of packaged and processed barley and hops. “You can make cranberry hooch!” he announced.

All right. I got around to putting sugar and yeast (Montrachet) in the cranberry juice last week. My understanding is that “hooch” requires the use of a balloon atop a bottle rather than the primary and secondary fermentation tanks and clickety little fermentation locks I’m used to employing to make wine.  I suspect it also requires the use of bread yeast, but all I had was the Montrachet in its little nitrogen-filled packet, so that’s what I put in the bottle.

First problem: The balloon broke on day two.

First solution: I attached a second balloon.

Second problem: The second balloon stood up whenever I shook the jar, but within minutes would go limp and look sad, dejected and embarrassed. (I shall eschew the obvious analogy. You have imaginations.)

Second solution: I pulled it off and attached yet a third balloon.

Third problem: Hasn’t occurred yet, but after losing all that CO2 during the first week, I suspect I’m gonna miss out on most of the nifty balloon-inflation fun that should, in a good and kind world, accompany the brewing of hooch.

I feel cheated.

While Northwood and Bassmaster gave me a beautiful, sleek, sexy little iPod Nano for Christmas, I have yet to get it past the “battery charged” stage. This isn’t from lack of interest, but from mental and emotional exhaustion.

First, it was delivered to my neighbor’s house so I didn’t know it was here for two days, until Bassmaster sent a mildly irate email.

Then, as soon as I plugged it in to charge it, my computer/s went from Bad to Worse to Really Heart-stoppingly Awful in the Interwebs reception area. It was taking me 20 minutes just to log on to my work site in the morning, and forget such things as streaming video and accessing Web sites.

Since no-work-site access equals no-pittance-in-the-bank, that came first. Two days’ worth of diagnosis and troubleshooting later, and I had to go buy a new wireless router. And install it. By myself. Yes, I hear all your teeth gritting with horror and the intake of air swishing through them. However, for perhaps the first time in my long, pathetic life, it actually worked.

Which left me so weak with relief that I haven’t yet recovered enough strength to tackle the iPod and its software, which until the aforementioned issue arose was giving me the Apple version of grief.

And then my pay-period totals showed that I was getting less than a 10 percent return for more than 30 percent additional work, and despite efforts to cut back on that, I’ve been having more and more piled on my plate such that … well, if you really wanna know, you can e- me, ’cause I expect lightning or some other sort of disaster would strike if I said it out loud. You know how that is.

I did at least get a birthday smidgen in the mail for Northwood, and another for the Bassmaster is in the offing. I’ve also gotta get deadline-sensitive things done for two friends with cancer.

I gotta tellya, life is not what I want it to be. Not atall, atall. If I could find a high cliff off which to hurl myself, I might just do it.

Posted by wordsmith


Did it make you laugh?

Wow, interesting tales. Yes, the ipod makes your computer go slowwww. Its trying to download the firmware from apple. You have to use there set-up otherwise it do not worky. Thanks for the B’day present.

Yay! Company in misery!

When you find that high cliff, let me know. If I can find time, I’ll hurtle myself off along side you.

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